23. Indianapolis Colts

You know those timelessly classic uniforms I keep referring to time and time again in this blog series? The ones that have never changed, should never change, and might cause mass riots in their cities if anyone ever dares to touch them?

This isn’t one of them.

The uniforms for the Indianapolis Colts are not really “bad” at all — they’re just incredibly boring, which strangely fits Peyton Manning’s appearance. He looks like the dad next door who mows his lawn at 7:30 AM every Saturday morning. Sure, his commercials can be funny, but his haircut looks like it hasn’t changed since he took his kindergarten pictures.

Blue...white...and that's it.

Part of the problem is that their uniforms literally feature two colors. As is usually the case, uniforms featuring one color are referred to as 1902 football uniforms, two colors are basic and “blah,” three colors are standard, four colors are teetering on too much, and five colors are for San Francisco parade costumes.

The Colts are stuck in blah-land. Not only that, but they are using the worst possible striping layout: the two-stripe shoulder pattern.

Toeing the line between “classy and clean” and “boring as hock,” the Colts unfortunately fall flat onto their face into the latter.

This moment seems exciting until your realize Dallas Clark is wearing a Colts jersey

Lastly, the logo…

Yes. It’s a horseshoe.

From the Colts’ Wikipedia page:

The Colts’ logo and uniforms have remained the same since the team’s debut in 1953.

Hint, hint.

Also, just in case you’ve never seen ManningFace.com, you’re welcome.

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