Monthly Archives: January 2009

Blonde Intellectualism

All right, I’m not really going to talk about blonde intellectualism. I am obligated to post a discernible amount of actual content on this blog.

Everyone’s heard more than their share of dumb blonde jokes. Actually, I’ve heard about 5,000 too many.

However, someone sent me this link from The Daily Telegraph, and I had to share my favorites. The title of the article is “Top 50 dumb blonde quotes.”

(Disclaimer) – I wouldn’t recommend clicking on any links on the linked web page. I don’t know for sure that they’d be “that kind” of material, but it’s safer to not test it out. This is common sense on the Internet, but when have humans ever been about common sense (hence, this post).

Now…my favorites:

Jessica Simpson on NewleyWeds: “Is this chicken, what I have, or is this fish? I know it’s tuna, but it says ‘Chicken by the Sea.”

Ignorance +1

Awareness of common knowledge -1

Alicia Silverstone on her role in Clueless: “I think that the film was very deep. I think it was deep in the way that it was very light. I think lightness has to come from a very deep place if it’s true lightness.”

I feel a bit lighter as well.

In my brain.

Jodie Marsh in a recent interview: “Eskimos are uncivilised because they don’t have any shops.”

I’m wondering what kind of question prompted that response.

Paris Hilton on her technique on the red carpet: “I don’t really think, I just walk.”

I knew it.

Sam Fox on fitness clothes: “I’ve got 10 pairs of training shoes – one for every day of the week.”

And I have 8 pairs of shoes altogether – one for each point of your IQ.

BB’s Helen Adam’s on education: “The worst thing is when the press call me a dizzy blonde – I got a B in Drama, a D in English, I did a hairdressing course and a beauty certificate.”

Dizzy?

Lady Victoria Hervey on the homeless: “It’s so bad being homeless in winter. They should go somewhere warm like the Caribbean where they can eat fresh fish all day.”

I’d better go tell Carl living under the bridge downtown about this. I’ll bet it has never crossed his mind!

Britney on Japan “I’ve never really wanted to go to Japan. Simply because I don’t like eating fish. And I know that’s very popular out there in Africa.”

The hits just keep coming from Miss Spears, folks.

Paris Hilton on her fame: “There’s nobody in the world like me. I think every decade has an iconic blonde, like Marilyn Monroe or Princess Diana and, right now, I’m that icon.”

My reaction (click here).

Cameron Diaz on science: “I’ve been noticing gravity since I was very young.”

Isaac Newton finally has an equal.

Britney Spears on where she might start her theatre career: “I would rather start out somewhere small, like London or England.”

What about someplace deep, like Miss Silverstone was talking about? Like, say…the bottom of the ocean?

Just a thought.

Britney on capital punishment: “I am for the death penalty. Who commits terrible acts must get a fitting punishment. That way he learns the lesson for the next time.”

Yeah, that’ll show ‘im.

Tara Reid on her fellow blonde celeb: “I make Jessica Simpson look like a rock scientist.”

I had no idea Jessica was a geologist.

Ivana Trump on literature: “Fiction writing is great. You can make up almost anything.”

…except consciousness.

Christina Aguilera on herself: “I’m an ocean, because I’m really deep. If you search deep enough you can find rare exotic treasures.”

…like Britney’s theatre career.

Jessica Simpson on her mood at the VH1 ’05 video awards: “Isn’t it weird I’m getting all emotionable.”

Yes, quite weird.

Mariah Carey on the death of the King of Jordan: “I loved Jordan. He was one of the greatest athletes of our time.”

AIR Jordan. Not HEIR Jordan.

Pamela Anderson on her secret to success: “I don’t think about anything too much . . . If I think too much, it kind of freaks me out!”

That’s odd. Marrying Kid Rock and Tommy Lee sounded like really well thought-out plans to me.

Brooke Shields on her campaign against smoking: “Smoking kills. If you’re killed, you’ve lost a very important part of your life.”

I’d better write this down…

Jessica Simpson on her scantily clad videos: “I’m definitely shy, so it was definitely acting for me to drop a trench coat and be in a bikini and try to get my cousins out of trouble by using my body. That was definitely acting!”

Yeah, you were definitely robbed of that Oscar.

Cyndi Crawford on modelling: “In the studio, I do try to have a thought in my head, so that it’s not like a blank stare.”

I commend her for making such a bold move.

Jessica Simpson to the President when visiting the White House: “I love what you’ve done with the place!”

He should have told her to go sit in a corner.

Also, if you didn’t get that joke, then YOU are a blonde.

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Jordan – Portraits

I had the privilege of shooting pictures for a young, aspiring actress here in the Shreveport region the other day. I think you can see for yourself that she is perfectly comfortable in front of the camera.

You guys were fantastic! Thank you so much for romping around Shreveport with me without questioning my sanity (at least not out loud). 😉

The Cokers – Family Portraits

Smiling, happy couple + kid with awesome personality + great conditions outside = blast of a shoot.

You guys absolutely rocked! Thank you so much for letting me take some family portraits for you guys.

If you take one more picture of me, I’m throwing this rock down that fancy-looking lens of yours!

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Jonah and Melissa – Wedding

November 22, 2008

Jonah and Melissa are two beautiful people who I have a lot of admiration for. I was very happy to be their photographer, and we had a great time with engagements, bridals, and the wedding itself.

Thank you guys both so much for your patience, your friendship, and your trust. You guys rock.

Chris and Ashley – Wedding

November 15, 2008

Chris and Ashley were married this last autumn at the Clarion Hotel in Shreveport, Louisiana.

They had a beautiful ceremony with a really good crowd of family and friends. I’m very honored to have been able to take their pictures. Thank you guys so much!

Nice Hat

Brace Yourself for a Shocker

I’m here to give President Obama a handclap.

You read that right, folks, and I’m not being sarcastic.

From (brace yourself again) HuffingtonPost.com: Obama Officials Tell Citibank To Ditch Plans For $50 Million Private Jet

According to a report from ABC News, President Obama is not taking kindly to corporate greed, especially when it’s funded by taxpayer money. Read more from ABC here:

The high-flying execs at Citigroup caved under pressure from President Obama and decided today to abandon plans for a luxurious new $50 million corporate jet from France…

ABC News has learned that Monday officials of the Obama administration called Citigroup about the company’s new $50 million corporate jet and told execs to “fix it.”

On Monday, the news broke that bailed out bank was going through with its $50 million private jet purchase even though it had recieved $45 billion in government funds:

I really, really, reeeaaaally don’t understand what these companies who were bailed out are thinking. Good for the Obama administration to go all Don Corleone and give a little intimidating phone call.

It Has Begun

I don’t mean to prophesy doom and gloom, folks…

…but I call it as I see it.

Obama Chooses Arab Network for First TV Interview.

STOP! Before you start thinking that this is a “YEAH, OBAMA’S A MUSLIM!” post, allow me to tell you that it is not. This is not about his middle name, the fact that he has Islamic roots, or any of that nonsense. This is about future policy.

President Barack Obama on Tuesday chose an Arabic satellite TV network for his first formal television interview as president, delivering a message to the Muslim world that “Americans are not your enemy.

We aren’t? Then why is the Arabic world staying almost completely silent as a radical sect of their religion are beheading our citizens on videotape, attacking our troops, flying planes into our buildings, and generally spreading terror throughout the world?

Are they seemingly condoning these actions because we’re old college roommates, and this is their way of getting back in touch?

The interview underscored Obama’s commitment to repair relations with the Muslim world that have suffered under the previous administration.

The implication here is that President Bush is responsible for damaging relations with the Muslim world.

I seem to recall us minding our own business, getting along just great, and then two flying objects crashing into some kind of large structures in a major city…

But, hey…that’s such a vague memory. I don’t remember the details. Who remembers what happened more than 24 hours ago, right? All I know is that Bush started this whole thing. He must have!

…or liberal media outlets love to paint America as the bad guy whenever conservatives occupy the Oval Office. To point out the fact that we have now had over seven years without another terrorist attack on our soil would be counterproductive to the cause. Bush is the reason for the collapsing war in Iraq, the stock market crash of ’87, Hitler’s march through Europe, the American Civil War, the fall of Rome, and Eve biting in to the forbidden fruit.

“My job to the Muslim world is to communicate that the Americans are not your enemy,” Obama told the Saudi-owned, Dubai-based Al-Arabiya news channel.

IT’S NOT OUR JOB TO COMMUNICATE TO THE ARAB WORLD THAT THEY’RE NOT OUR ENEMIES.

It’s THEIR job to prove that we’re not enemies.

Stop promoting terrorism. Stop condoning suicide bombers walking into pizza parlors in Israel and blowing women and children to bits (actions which are forgotten when Israel retaliates in Gaza). Stop having riots in the street any time someone draws a cartoon portraying your religion in a way that doesn’t tickle your fancy. Stop living in the 6th century. Stop treating your women like crap. Stop, stop, stop!

But that’s not what will happen. It’s American Joe’s job to be more understanding. It’s American Susie’s job to see Islam the way they want us to see it. It’s American Carl’s job to allow the annihilation of Israel. It’s American Tina’s job to roll over and either convert to Islam or die.

Welcome to new policy. It’s gonna be a blast (hopefully not literally).

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Wii: What Went Right

Wii Elders

Allow me to say that I don’t currently own a Wii. I’ve owned two of them within the span of the console’s existence, but I sold both of them for a profit of at least $100 each time (remember these are used consoles). The possibility of actually making money on the stupid things, even though I liked them, was too good to pass up.

There are some problems with the Wii. It doesn’t run in HD (sometimes not even in widescreen mode). It has a ton of poopy games. Nintendo isn’t hitting the hardcore gaming market very hard. Broken TVs and other damages have been reported as a result of enthusiastic Wii sessions (see here: Wii Damage). Even after two years, the console seems to never be on store shelves.

But Nintendo has shipped (and probably sold) 34,500,000 Wiis to date. Nintendo must be doing something right…right?

1. – It’s cheap. The Wii remote might be considered “next gen,” but the hardware inside the Wii is barely more powerful than the Gamecube before it. This means that Nintendo was not only able to debut its console for $250 (below the $400 XBox 360 and $600 PS3), but it was already making money at its initial price; the 360 has just now started making money on each console sold, and the PS3 is still causing losses for Sony.

2.The Blue Ocean Strategy. While Sony and Microsoft went for the Halo-playing, swearing, 18-35 hardcore (and mostly male) demographic, Nintendo attacked the untapped potential of an entirely new gaming community: females and non-gamers. The Wii appeals to the broadest range of gamers. It’s fun. It’s community oriented. It’s “cool.”

3.The Virtual Console. One of my first video game memories is me, as a five-year-old, watching a huge group of youth group students playing Mike Tyson’s Punch-out at someone’s house. I was way too young to be allowed to play at that particular party, but I grew up on Contra, Rygar, Zelda, and of course…Mario. Nintendo has hundreds of timeless classics lined up for the you to play (and pay for) on its Virtual Console. Reason number 46,364,891 that Nintendo is now printing money.

4. Personality. The Wii is inclusive and charming. The name itself (susceptible to all manner of ridicule from everyone on the globe) is sort of kidsy-sounding, but also alluring in a strange, cheeky way. Everything about it screams personality. It’s small, clean appearance and sleek user interface hint towards an admitted inspiration: Apple. That’s right…I just played the Apple card.

I don’t currently have one, and I can’t say that I’m going to get another to keep for good (though the thought has crossed my mind), but the Wii has done so many things right in this economic crunch, and has succeeded more so than Nintendo could’ve possibly had in mind.

Good for them. Good for Mario.

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What is Wrong with Us?

Carpentersville woman is accused of fatally injuring 16-month-old at Lincolnshire facility.

I’m not going to quote this story directly. If you want to read the article, then I’ve provided the link above. I’m just going to give a quick overview before commenting.

A daycare worker was holding a 16-month-old toddler who wouldn’t stop crying. She became frustrated, and threw the baby to the ground, fracturing his skull.

The child then grabbed his blanket, crawled to a corner that he considered his “safety zone,” and died.

I’ve been told that I show too much emotion sometimes, and that it’s not quite “manly,” but if this story does not at least come close to bringing you to tears, then I’m not sure you’re all fine and dandy inside.

How could anyone do this to a child? How could they be so wrapped up in a moment of supreme selfishness and fling a delicate, innocent child to the ground?

For the past several weeks, my dad has been commenting incessantly about how we no longer value children in our culture. We’d rather have two jobs, take vacations, get new clothes, new furniture, new gadgets, and better homes than to be “inconvenienced” by a child.

I will admit that Shari and I have agreed many times that we’re not yet ready for a child, and I think that’s okay. But if the thought of having to be responsible and care for a child repulses us, what would that say about who we are as human beings?

Our culture has devalued children.

Men leave their impregnated girlfriends because they don’t want to own to their responsibilities which they, like it or not, brought upon themselves when they had sex with that person. As a result, millions of children across the nation grow up without a dad.

People grow impatient with their children when they, of all things, act like children, beating them in the head in Walmart lines (I’ve seen it with my own eyes), screaming and cursing over the slightest incidents.

The Catholic Church consistently fails to protect innocent children, moving sex offenders masquerading as men of God all around a country, knowing full well their histories of abuse against our innocent young. This behavior is disgusting, and I can only imagine the judgment of God upon those who have perpetrated and defended the unthinkable.

Children are left to delve deeply into television, the Internet, movies, music, and other mediums that promote a lifestyle and mentality that could be described as nothing less than anti-family, while parents neglect to spend any kind of personal time with their children. How many parents in the church can actually say they sit down with their children on a consistent basis at home and pray or study the Bible with them?

I see the repercussions of a culture annoyed with the responsibility and helplessness of raising children in a modern society.

These are our priceless treasures, and we’re failing them.

Over and over again, the image plays out in my mind of that little boy, grabbing his blanket and struggling to make it to the place he felt safe…and collapsing in his death.

Perhaps he’s luckier than the rest of us. I have no doubt that he is now nestled safely in the arms of God, at peace and safer than he could ever be in this sick, twisted world.

God have mercy on us, and save us.

Global Cooling = Skies Raining Iguanas

It’s raining, it’s pouring. Iguanas.

Fla. Cold Snap Causes Iguanas to Fall From Trees

The chilly weather in southern Florida this week was cold enough to force some iguanas to fall from trees.

Experts say the cold-blooded reptiles go into a deep sleep when the temperature falls into the 40s. Their bodies basically shut off and they lose their grip on the tree.

I’m sorry, but the image is hilarious.