Bette Midler Saves You

Bette Midler: Green Hero

Apparently Bette Midler has stopped touring because she’s feeling guilty for destroying the planet.

The 62-year-old says she feels that the fleet of 14 lorries she uses to ship her show from city to city causes too much pollution.

So instead she’s decided to pitch up in Las Vegas and do a $13m residency instead.

Actually, I think the 14 “torries” are used to haul her massive ego, not her show.

“I don’t drive much, I have a Smart car, I have a hybrid, I drive a [Toyota] Prius,” she says.

Okay, everyone! There is no longer a need for panic! Bette Midler is driving a Prius! Climate change crisis officially over! Nothing to see here! Move along…move along…

Backing Democrat Barack Obama for the White House, she’s suspicious of the competition, namely Republican hockey mum Sarah Palin.

“I’m a little nervous about her politics and I’m a little nervous about her ideology. After eight years of a strictly ideological administration, I don’t really want to be subject to that anymore.

Okay, so how about a little honesty, Bette? What you mean when you say that is not “ideology.” You mean “religion.”

Oh, those derned Christians with their trucks and guns and coal plants…

Oh, and if you’ll notice: Bette’s show in Vegas costs $13,000,000 to put on just to pump life into a dying career that is doing little more at this point than desperately attempting to help Bette prove that she’s not an irrelevant and archaic overachiever. How about giving $13,000,000 towards the AIDS crisis in Africa or providing water for remote villages whose residents are hiking miles a day just to fetch enough water to keep their families alive for another day?

Egomaniacal show business blowhards are really getting under my skin today…


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