Black Mamba

Yo, sports haters, don’t dismiss this story just yet. I know you guys just skip to your next web-site when you see a sports picture on my blog. It’s not really about sports, I promise.

Kobe Bryant has a nickname: the Black Mamba.

Bryant started calling himself “Black Mamba” a few years ago, explaining to ESPN, “The mamba can strike with 99% accuracy at maximum speed, in rapid succession. That’s the kind of basketball precision I want to have.”

Kobe, news flash: self-labelled nicknames usually don’t go over too well. Kind of like that time in junior high when I started trying to get everyone to call me “Lord and Ruler Over My Poor Human Soul.”

I thought it was a fitting title for the poor infidels who went to school with me to use on a consistent basis (just to continually clarify our relationship), but apparently giving yourself a cool monicker is the equivalent of wearing high-water pants, spending 10+ hours a day playing World of Warcraft, or using Windows Vista (that is what you call a haymaker).

Life Lesson #43,971: let other people assign you nicknames, even if you are the best player in the NBA.


2 thoughts on “Dork

  1. Matthew D. says:

    If I was as cool as Kobe Bryant I would give myself a dumb sounding nickname just to prove I was cool enough to get away with it.

    Wouldn’t you?

    You can call me Oreo Boy just in case you’re wondering.

    I’ll just call you “photorapher boy”.

  2. ryanaustindean says:


    See? But at least you gave me that nickname based on an entirely imbecilic mistake I made. I wasn’t the one who came up with it.

    I’m going to call you……well, I’ll get back to you on that one. You have yet to embarrass yourself badly enough to warrant a devastating nickname, at least in my limited knowledge.

    Oh, and “Oreo Boy?” Nice try, but it sounds too tame.

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