Things I Hate About Myself…

When something funny happens (while watching a movie or listening to a comedian, for example), I look at other people while I laugh to make sure they thought it was funny too. This also applies to whether or not they’re moved by a song.

I laugh at myself whenever I make a joke. Dry humor is always funnier. My expressions of joy are ruining potential hilarity.

I sweat whenever people stare at me (Brad: I thought you might get a kick out of this one…maybe one day I’ll put my PCD story on here).

I used to be decent (at least not horrible) at playing basketball. Now I stink, but my brain doesn’t realize the difference. While it should be saying, “Don’t shoot, Ryan,” it still says, “In yo’ face, homie!” Apparently, my basketball skills aren’t the only thing stuck in the 1990s; my inner voice seems to be using antiquated street slang.

When I read text on the Internet, I highlight and unhighlight the text repeatedly. It drives other people nuts, so I guess there is something of merit there.

I procrastinate.

My neck hair grows at the same speed as my facial hair, and thus requires shaving more frequently. Stubble is cool. Neck hair…not so much.

I hold anger in for so long that sometimes it builds up enough to require a nap (but one day…it’s all coming out!).

I’ve been trying to learn to play the guitar…for 15 years.

I have horrible trouble trying to read Leviticus. I don’t think that’s a problem exclusive to myself.

My eyelashes brush against my glasses when I blink. I thought my glasses were just sitting too close to my eyes, but when I pulled them any further down, I looked like the old guy who has the glasses hanging from the tip of his nose.

I realized the other day that I’m just not funny anymore. Maybe I never was, but I thought I was at least somewhat comedic. Brad told me I was sort of like Jim Carrey. I thought this was good news until I realized that Jim Carrey’s last great comedy was made in 1997. THERE ARE THOSE 90s AGAIN!

There’s more, but I’m getting depressed listing them out. If you have something you despise about yourself, leave it in the comments section.

SELF-LOATHERS UNITE!

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2 thoughts on “Things I Hate About Myself…

  1. James Wilder says:

    HAHA! Great stuff. Misery likes company…also a 90’s kid…declining B-Ball skills, I also watch other’s reactions (not out of insecurity, but I truly would rather them laugh…I like when EVERYONE is having a good time…almost to a fault), my neck hair also competes with the facial hair, and on and on. We have a lot in common.

    Add to that: I get terribly one-track sometimes. I completely shut others out when I may be in a conversation and completely unaware of my surroundings. My wife has fun with this…

  2. Than says:

    I also have the neck hair issue along with other “hair issues”. But, in the plus column, I’m still funny……Even if I’m the only one that thinks so!

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