Congratulations!

I have a bit of a problem with humans on this day.

If I greeted my parents by saying, “Congratulations on winning the 1988 Super Bowl,” you might find my adulation misplaced. Actually, you might call me a ridiculous idiot. The same could be said if I applauded you for that wonderful “Emancipation Proclamation” speech you gave only 146 years ago. Good job, fellow (or fellowess)!

Just as George Costanza was forced to reclaim credit for his big salad, I kind of get the feeling that we need to take a closer look at this whole “Happy Easter” greeting that we’ve made extensive use of.

We’ve kind of made Easter about us (just like every other holiday, but that’s another blog for another day). Blah…

So when we say, “Happy Easter!” to one another, we’re basically saying, “Hey! Congratulations on that whole being raised from the dead thing, Phil! Way to go!” *high five*

Now, of course I’m being a little cheeky with all this, but I really am sick about how every holiday has become twisted and mangled into being all about us. The funny thing is that we attach the most ridiculous customs and imagery to these holidays.

The birth of Christ? Hmmm, that one’s simple! Fat man, white beard, red suit, flying deer, pointy trees, ornamental spheres with glitter, open sleighs, and Jimmy Stewart! Now you have yourself a holiday! Yeah, yeah…it started with Jesus coming to earth and the celebration of that event. Now it’s all about, “WHAT AM I GONNA GET?” And yes, it’s been exploited commercially to the point that I dread the holiday season arriving.

Easter? The resurrection of Christ? You know that the perfect way to celebrate that occasion would be…hmmmm…a RABBIT!

That’s right, a rabbit! And what do rabbits do? Distribute eggs all around your house? Well, of course! That makes perfect sense! After all, rabbits don’t lay eggs, so it makes sense that they would want to get rid of them. How did they get all colorful, covered in pastels of pink, blue, yellow and green? Well, that’s simple as well: Rabbits are white, brown, and/or black, so they want to spice up their lives with some dainty colors!

The resurrection? Oh, yeah…well, that’s cool too. BUT LOOK AT THE EGGS! THEY’RE COLORED!

I’m not going to buy you guys a card that Hallmark hopes I’ll purchase in support of their manipulation of our overly-consumerist society. I’m not going to color any eggs. I don’t think we even have any eggs at home. Today I’m not going to tell you guys “Happy Easter.” I leave you with “Remember the Resurrection.”

Additionally, I really, really hate pastels.

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3 thoughts on “Congratulations!

  1. V. D. says:

    Well said. I work at a Christian bookstore and Saturday was really busy. Everyone was saying “Happy Easter!” and someone even said “Have a happy holiday!” and I’m thinking, gosh it’s enough that they say happy holidays at Christmas, don’t bring it up here. Please. I’ve always called it Resurrection Day because it gives so much more power and meaning to the day. I mean, the whole rising from the dead thing is pretty radical. And it’s not sci-fi, it really happened.

    Keep it coming dude, I really like your blog.
    -V.
    (Referred to site by exno.blogspot.com)

  2. Matthew D. says:

    Hilarious.

    But totally appropriate.

  3. ryanaustindean says:

    Thank you, V. I’m glad to see the whole “Happy Easter” thing irritates the mess out of someone else. My problem is that I always wind up going to Target or Wal-Mart during Easter, Valentine’s Day, Halloween, and Christmas when the busiest rush is going on, with people buying tons of holiday paraphernalia and getting hacked off while doing it. It makes you feel like maybe everyone is missing the point.

    Thanks, Matt. Join us in our rebellion?

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