I have come to avoid sitting down and eating lunch on typical weekdays. From time to time I eat a pizza with Dad and Shannon at Notini’s, but this school semester’s schedule has forced me to alter my ingestion times (the dog changed things too). Today I got a call from my good friend, Christopher J. Adcock, along with a request to meet up at Moe’s Southwest Grill. If you’ve never been to a Moe’s, think of it as Subway for Mexican food. We were surprised to find our other good buddy, Kris Bledsoe, at Moe’s; he was burning a little time between classes.
After exchanging pleasantries, we decided to go ahead and order. This is, after all, what inevitably happens when you visit an establishment for the purpose of partaking in sustenance. I decided to go with the Joey Bag O’ Donuts, which is a burrito consisting of grilled chicken, beans, rice, and shredded cheese.
I watched the good fellow behind the counter expertly begin applying the ingredients, only to recoil in astonishment and horror as the girth of the burrito was unveiled. THE BURRITO WAS GARGANTUAN! Not big. Not a mouthfull. Friggin’ HUGE!!!
The following pictures, as I discovered, do not do the size of the burritos justice. Kris declined the offer to eat, instead sipping on a soft drink, which is why he is not included below. The burritos must have scared him off.
Here is the burrito, laying on its wrapper, threatening to choke anyone who dares attempt to ingest it. Like a schoolyard bully, it taunted me, called me painful names, and threatened to destroy what was left of my broken ego. At least three inches in diameter, it ruled over the little restaurant like a maniacal dictator…
Out of my wits with fear, nauseous to the point of public hurling, I looked up to see Christopher J. consuming his burrito in a ritualistic trance of some sort. His eyes were glazed over as he smacked his lips and mumbled something about Emery…
I had no choice. I could not be shown up be a comrade in such a manner. I lifted the burrito, shaking under the crushing weight of its tightly-packed tortilla/beans/chicken/rice/cheese. I looked it right in the eye, and…
I ate the stupid thing.
Then I got sick. As of 3:27 PM, I am still feeling its effects.
God be with me.